So within the few days I scheduled an appointment with the only adoption agency I ever talked to. It did not go as well as Id hoped. They told me that I wanted validation, that my parents wouldn't be grandparents, and that they probably couldn't find a couple willing to have a very open adoption. It was so disappointing. I decided I'd be ok with 4 visits a year. Christmas, birthdays, and a few visits in between. Because I wasn't "giving up" a child. Id hoped the adoptive parents would be an extension to our family. Despite our families disappointment I had hope with the agency and just prayed we could find the parents for my little jelly bean.
My boss had told my franchise owner what was going on and my future plans for the baby. To my surprise she told me that they knew of a couple looking to have an open adoption. I was skeptical at first because I was very green to adoption and the different types. I decided to call her anyway and seek out information on this couple. I have worked for my franchise owner for almost 8 years so I trusted her and have always admired the family life that she has maintained. Working for this couple has opened a lot of doors for me and shaped me to be the independent, hard working lady that I am.
She told me the couple lived an hour and a half away (huge plus), they had a 1 1/2 year old, wife worked part time at a vet office and husband was an engineer. They are a little older than me and have been married for a while. I really liked everything I heard about them. Initially I wanted the baby to be an only child so he/she would be spoiled but that wasn't going to be a deal breaker for me. If they could be great parents to one child I had no doubt they could love and care for two. Amy had emailed me within minutes and I'm not going to lie that kind of impressed me. I had plans to grill her like a detective because this was a serious process. So I called Amy when I got off of work and we clicked instantly. We both had similar childhoods and she was so easy to talk to. It felt like talking to an old friend. The best part was they were willing to have a very open adoption! I texted my best friend and told him before I even called him that I felt like I found her parents.
Shortly after we me It was very nerve wracking but luckily my dad and sister went with me too. Their opinion really mattered to me because we are going to combine our families. And that's exactly what happened.
Soon Amy and I were texting every single day. It was so awesome. They went to doctors appointments with me, shopped for the nursery, even did a gender reveal and maternity pictures. Those were things I wouldn't have done by myself at this time. We celebrated the heck out of the baby and really built a relationship. And that's something I thank God for all of the time. I wanted Olivia's future parents to be a part of my pregnancy because its something Amy couldn't experience. And because they agreed to have a very open adoption with me. Id be missing out on parenthood. But as we grew closer they suggested we have once a month visits. And family night. It was a dream come true!! Everything we all prayed for. And they made a crisis pregnancy a beautiful thing all because of this little girl.
Of course I still dealt with sadness and guilt. I felt it a lot. But because of my support system and faith, my feelings subsided. And I always stayed completely honest with Amy. I had a lot of doubt closer to my due date. I know it scared the crap out of her. Its not easy hearing that theres a chance you wont get a baby. Our relationship gave me strength. I couldn't break 3 hearts because of my love for Amy and Olivia. I knew no matter what I had to break my own heart so that Olivia could have everything I couldn't provide.
Private adoptions can be tricky. You don't really have the "middle man" controlling how often birth mom sees the child or receives pictures. But it has worked out way better for us. Amy could have promised the world and taken it all away when she received the baby. I knew she wouldn't because I had so much trust in her. I felt like a surrogate through the rest of my pregnancy. Despite what people said. Because I would be missing the joy of parenthood. God knew what he was doing when he placed Amy and Brandon in my life. His touch was in every detail.
"We should not be asking who this child belongs to, but who belongs to this child"