Sunday, March 27, 2016

Miss independent. Thats why I love her...

November 2nd is a day that will forever be burned in my memory. I'll never forget the day and the feelings like it was yesterday. But let me rewind to the time where my story really starts...

In june of 2015 I met P. Our time was really brief. It was a horrible time of my life. I confused love and attention. Attention is what P gave me. And I didn't care. I was a hard working, single, 28 year old pug momma. As independent as could be. I've had the same job for almost 8 years, I worked very very hard to have a life that looked good on the outside. But on the inside it was so far from what I was portraying. I wasn't in a good place at all. Sure I was "adulting". My bills were always paid at some point. I went to work and busted my butt. I kept a dog alive. Did I ever think about the future? What I really wanted out of life? Absolutely not. Sure I had an idea, but no real direction. Didn't know where to start or how to get there. I met P online like many people do now days. I wasn't sure if he was the "one". I didn't care. One thing led to another which led to a plan b purchase. Something I was very ashamed of. Yes I had "prevented" (or so I thought) a pregnancy. But I felt so shameful for letting this stranger use and disrespect me. I didn't have too long to dwell on my bad decisions because I went off to vegas with my crazy friends to make more bad decisions. And boy did I make them! I partied any thoughts of plan b or baby away! Yes I do realize now that my life could easily be a lifetime story. Of course P pulled away quickly. Do I blame him? No way. I wanted to ghost on myself at that point. And he got  what he wanted so why not?! I was having a blast with my friends. But the thought of the events prior to Vegas stayed in my head. I was absolutely NOT ready for a baby. Not with someone like him. Not at all. And it wouldn't be a possibility right?? I mean plan b is 99 percent effective right?  I decided at the end of the trip that P's phone number would be deleted since I needed nothing to do with someone like that. He didn't want a relationship with me. And I wouldnt become pregnant because we were smart and took an emergency contraception. It had to work.

I was so wrong,


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