Wednesday, June 22, 2016

The pro's and con's of open adoption

When I was pregnant and deciding on my option, I was so clueless. I didn't know anything about adoption. Uneducated. Abortion was my first thought because people willingly talk about their experiences. I didn't know anything about adoption. I'm going to share my thoughts on the pro's and con's on open adoption. For anyone that is searching for answers for "what's next" or just looking for perspective.


A child will know where they come from.
Olivia will have any questions answered. She'll know where she gets certain habits from. She'll know who Iam. She won't feel like something is missing.

I get I get to watch her grow.
Equally I get to see what she inherits from me in traits. I'll never question if she's being loved enough or taken care of. A piece of my heart isn't missing because I didn't "give up" my baby.

I gained family
Olivia has two moms without divorce. I gained a family without getting married. There is so much love between us all.

Olivia is more loved
There is more people to love on her. It takes a village to raise a kid. And I'm all for love and many people living a child.

I don't feel the need to rush big decisions 
With this I mean marriage and kids. I'm really unsure if I'll have more kids. But with Olivia and her brother I get to love on two kids like they are my own. I get to share the joy and love of children. I don't feel like I have a "timer" because I can say I've had a child.

I can pursue a fufilling future for myself
I can do anything. And since I've had Olivia, I feel limitless. I can make my life better for future kids, a husband and myself. It's something I don't take for granted anymore


Sometimes feelings will be hurt 
I'm definitely an over thinker. When Amy is quiet, I freak out and overthink. Did I say something wrong? Is she mad at me? It was very difficult for us post placement because I couldn't handle my grief. It was hard for Amy to bond with Olivia without feeling like she stole something from me. She had to pull away a little and it hurt! But we definitely keep the lines of communication open and I've learned to handle my grief.

I miss her everyday
I'm in a great place right now so my emotions are easily controlled. But in the beginning, the pictures were HARD! I miss her smell, and the baby noises. Omg. But even if my emotions are in check, I miss her every single day. And I always will. There isn't a day that k don't think about her.

I won't come first in her life 
Even with the amazing relationship I hope we have, she will always prefer mom over me. But that's ok. God had called Amy to take over a job I wasn't prepared for. I want Amy to get every bit of credit she deserves.

Despite belief that open adoptions "confuse" or "overwhelms" a child, it doesn't.  My heart and Olivia's heart is filled. With love, hope and happiness. We will have a bond. I absolutely do not regret my open adoption even in the time that it hurts. It doesn't hurt enough to close the adoption. I love her way too much.

hould not be asking who this child belongs to, but who belongs to this child.” –James L. Gritter

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