Friday, June 24, 2016

The pros and cons of a private adoption

Since my adoption was private, I figured I'd compile a list of pro's and con's of a private adoption. As my readers know my adoption was private. I did talk to an agency but it didn't work out and God, as usual, had his own plans. Glory to him!!


I don't have an agency dictating how often I see Olivia or how open my adoption is.

Before I'm being ripped a new one, let me have my say. The one agency I talked to said I would be lucky to find a family that allows 4 visits a year. How would I know if it were the family or really the agency that would allow that much contact? I know a lot of agencies are pro open adoption and some even don't play a factor in that. I know of a wonderful young woman with a similar adoption plan. She went through an agency. It just worked out better for me.

We were matched by someone I knew and trusted.

How cool is it that I can say Amy and Brandon were handpicked just for me?! God knew they were meant to be Olivia's parents. But it was so awesome to know I was matched by my boss. Someone I have been employed by for 8 years. Someone that I admired and trusted. She understood and supported what I wanted in an open adoption. I had asked her for information of other couples just to be sure. She was very hesistant because I think she knew all along that Olivia was meant to be with Amy and Brandon.

The adoption was affordable for Amy and Brandon

They didn't have to pay an agency a huge bill to adopt Olivia. I'm sure some people would question if Amy and Brandon could financially care for a kid if they couldn't put up a lot of money up front. It wasn't impossible for them. It just wasn't nessecary. And now they can spend money doing things with the family instead of worrying about how to make it a possibility financially. People fundraise now or even take out loans because adoptions have become so expensive, More people also turn to social media in hopes of privately adopting to avoid the high cost. I still get inquiries for a baby.  It's just too danged expensive!!


I was "stuck" with a social worker that didn't know me or the situation.

Our story isn't typical. Many people, including employees in the industry, don't understand that. I had a horrible social worker. It was like working with jekell and hyde. She was sweet and supposedly my "advocate" but stressed me so bad on the last day in the hospital that I broke down in front of family. I couldn't enjoy my last day with Livi because she wanted the mountain of paperwork signed asap so she could leave early (my adoption took place on a Friday). So inconsiderate. And she had the nerve to try to kick Amy out because I was so stressed. An agency provides a social worker that is hopefully sensitive to birthmoms needs and the situation. She was not. It still angers me. Adoption is already such a sensitive time and there is no room for pressure, insensitivity or pushiness. Hopefully she learns that she needs to respect people in all situations. I mean it is her job for crying out loud!!

Amy could have taken Livi and ran

We had nothing on paper about visits, pictures, holidays etc. A few people were concerned Amy was going to take back her word and cut me out. Unfortunately some adoptive parents do this because they aren't EDUCATED. Its heartbreaking. For the child and birthmom. I knew Amy would keep her word. I built a relationship with her. Any human wouldn't even have the conscience to make empty promises and run. Our communication isn't as much as when I was pregnant. I think we texted non stop everyday. But that's ok! Life happens. Shes a mom of 2 babies. We still communicate almost everyday along with pictures. Especially now that I'm in school, Amy continues to be a sister figure to me, my hero and role model. I trust her. And I trust her to keep her word. End of story!!

Your on your own financially on maternity leave

An agency can pay for living expenses and food while off of work. But adoptive parents cant help financially. It was a huge fear for me. Not only because I HATE saving (future blog post?) but because I didn't know what kind of birth Id have and how long I would be off of work. God handled it though. It all goes back to trusting him when I found out I was pregnant. Trusting his plan for me and babygirl. Now Oliva is a BEAUTIFUL 3 month old and I'm a college girl working 6 days a week. It all worked out. From my pregnancy to life after adoption. God could have made my life so hard because I chose to not live his way. But my God is full of so much grace for sinners like me. He made me realize why he truly gave his life. Not so I can make mistakes on purpose. But to prosper in hard times. To make something beautiful out of such a dark time. I absolutely love being a birthmom and seeing that princess grow. I LOVE IT.

School and adoption is such a new time for me but I'm getting the hang of it. Adjusting to my new normal. Even in the times of uncertinity, seeing that little girl thrive where shes at fills my heart in a new kind of way. I don't regret a THING. I miss her every single day. EVERYDAY. But shes happy. That's all I could of asked for.

Birthmoms/adoptive parents Was your adoption through an agency or private? Was there anything that made that experience better or worse? I love connecting with both sides of the story so please share!! Yall can also email me at if you are uncomfortable about posting in public. I understand.

As always thank you for reading!!

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